I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How naked do you want me to be?
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