Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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