dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
