you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
