The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
