I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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