can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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