I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
