so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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