So drunk its hurt
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
