she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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