So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
