In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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