I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
