Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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