You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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