At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
