i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
