you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
