stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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