Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
