you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
