Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
