Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
