you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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