I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
