we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
