Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
