Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
