she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
