in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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