I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
