3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
