So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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