how can u be prego again
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
