i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
