Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
