Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
