I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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