Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
