My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
