you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
