She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
