At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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