I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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