I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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