First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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