i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
