when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
