On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
