quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You pole danced in your parka.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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