i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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