who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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