Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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