i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
