Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
