And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
