im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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