I've blown a few things in my day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
