Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have fence marks all over my body
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
