Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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