stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
