I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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