You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
