she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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