p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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